On November 1st I was awarded the 2019 Nurse Recognition Award by the New Jersey League for Nursing (NJLN). WOW. I was so surprised to learn that I was nominated by the NJLN Board of Directors. I did a happy dance followed by a prayer and notified my close family and friends about the event and time. I was so excited in the weeks leading up to the event — picking out a dress, sending invites, explaining the award to my grandma.
A few days before, however, I began having imposter syndrome. As defined by the Harvard Business Review, imposter syndrome is “as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success”. I kept asking myself if I truly deserved the award. I didn’t have the many initials and nursing credentials after my name like the other awardees, I wasn’t running a hospital...yet, and I had only been a nurse for 13 months. I confided in my mentors about my worries and they reassured me to stand tall in this accomplishment. Although this helped calm some of the uneasiness, my mind was still nervously racing.
The day of the event came. Enjoy each moment, Alex. You got this. My tribe was present. I was blessed to have had the CNO of my hospital sponsor a table for my close friends, family, and the manager & director of my department. It was so comforting to be surrounded by love. As each awardees bio was read I felt more and more humbled to be and awardee alongside so many exceptional nurse leaders. As my biography was read my heart smiled and I relived the events that I was involved in over the years — sheesh, ya girl be making moves — I did in fact deserve this award and no amount of nursing alphabet soup after my name could dictate my worth.
So fast forward to three months later, I can finally exhale and gain a new type of confidence in my self. I have applied to opportunities that I would have once believed were out of my reach and spoke up on issues that I once believed I was not qualified to speak on.
As I walk in this new season of life with so many of what were once constants now changing around me, I am learning to be more intentional and mindful of each moment. I am learning to slow down and listen to God’s whisper. I am learning that my voice does matter and that someone is looking up to me and saying “Wow, if she can do that, I know that I can too!”. The journey through growth has not been easy, but I’m 100% sure I will be worth it❤️